


Show Me The Way Home

by ap_marvel



Series: I Lost Myself But I Remember You [2]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied postnatal depression, Referenced PTSD, angst with a happy ending i pinky promise, dad!Carlos, mom!jill, sometimes things don't go the way you imagined, they have a kid y'all, you're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ap_marvel/pseuds/ap_marvel
Summary: “Let me try to explain – ”“Explain what Carlos?” She asked with a raised voice, still thick with emotion. “What is there to explain? You asked to see her. We came, and you,” her breath hitched. She held back another sob with the back of her hand, her brows furrowing to keep it all down. “You didn’t show up. As always. And I have to keep making excuses for you to Sofia. As always.”He tried to keep a light tone. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
Relationships: Carlos Oliveira/Jill Valentine
Series: I Lost Myself But I Remember You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758760
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	Show Me The Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be a rocky ride so strap your asses in.

_“_ and you promise yourself you will never fall so hard again, until you meet someone who makes the fall feel like flying.” – _Nikita Gill_

***

Jill stood under her umbrella in the pouring rain, her foot tapping impatiently, sloshing the water around the sidewalk. She sighed, taking one long last look at her watch under the streetlight.

He was late. Almost an hour late. And the sad thing was, she still wanted to wait for him. She would wait another hour if it meant seeing him again, but she couldn’t. She had relied on him too many times, waited too many hours for a no show and if she continued to tell herself that it was okay then she was telling him it was okay too. She just couldn’t do this anymore.

She bit the inside of her cheek to hold back the tears, disappointment flooding through her as she squatted beside the small figure holding her hand. She fussed with her daughter’s yellow jacket, making sure the hood was covering all her dark curls.

“Where’s daddy?” Sofia whispered as she toed the rainwater with her sneaker, scrunching the wrapper she had in her hand.

“You finish your skittles?”

She shook her head.

Jill swallowed, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand quickly and putting on a smile for her daughter. “Daddy’s a bit caught up in traffic. But he promised he’ll come another time,” she lied, nodding her head encouragingly.

Sofia shrugged. Her shoulders drooped but there was no discernible disappointment in her expression.

Jill’s brows creased in worry and she rubbed her thumb across Sofia’s cheek. “I’m sorry, kiddo.” Sofia said nothing and Jill exhaled before standing straight and holding her hand. “Let’s go home.”

They began to walk back to the car, nothing but the sound of pattering rain and cars driving to comfort them. Jill wondered what his excuse would be, despite knowing she wouldn’t be able to believe it – not anymore. She looked down at her daughter. Sofia was bright and so very caring, though she had difficulty in showing it. She didn’t fit in with the other kids her age and she seemed to know it. The only thing that made her truly happy was seeing him, because he was still a hero in her eyes. She didn’t even know how she’d begin to explain his absences anymore.

Jill sniffed, wiping the tears away as she reached her crappy car. She closed up her umbrella and set it against the car and quickly unlocked the doors, helping Sofia into her seat and strapping her in securely. She cleared her throat as she started to move but Sofia tapped her shoulder. She looked at her daughter to see her offering her one of the last skittles.

Her eyes watered more, and she tried to keep her voice from cracking. “You can have it if you want.”

Sofia pressed the skittle into Jill’s hand. She hesitated before she put it into her mouth, feeling the overly sweet candy coat her tongue before she chewed and swallowed. She gave her daughter a watery smile, pressing her lips to her forehead.

“Thanks baby,” Jill whispered inaudibly.

She closed the door and leaned against it. She took a long look around the street with blurry eyes before having to press her face into her hands to stop the sobs that tried to escape her. The raindrops began to soak her clothes, damping her hair. But she couldn’t care, couldn’t be bothered to escape the rain anymore because it felt like the air had been ripped from her lungs. Like each shaky breath was accompanied with the sting of rejection. And oh God, she felt so alone in that moment standing beneath the orange streetlight, like it was exposing her at her most vulnerable.

It had been so many rough months, so many restless nights. She didn’t know whether she was being the parent she needed to be, and her marriage was crumbling apart and she was just so fucking tired. Tired of all the loose strings that she couldn’t let go of.

She was so in her head, her ears muffled by the sound of her choked up sobs that she didn’t hear the rushing footsteps that approached her.

“Jill.”

She froze, the sudden intake of cold air making her eyes sting. Her bottom lip trembled as she moved her hands to see the familiar figure standing a few feet away from her.

Carlos.

His curls were soaking with rain, his jacket and t-shirt drenched, sticking to his skin. He was slightly out of breath, like he had been running for a while to catch up to them. His head slightly bowed as he came to a stop, and he didn’t seem to know what to do with hands as he stood there, speechlessly.

She stared at him, those warm brown eyes begging at her. She bit her lip to hold back her tears, her expression broken as she tore her gaze away and started to reach for the door handle.

“Jill, please…” He said with cracked voice as he tried to reach for her.

She whipped her arm away from him, pressing her back against the car. “Don’t,” she whispered.

He paused for a moment, taking a step back to give her space. “I can explain – ”

“Just leave – ”

“Let me try to explain – ”

“Explain what Carlos?” She asked with a raised voice, still thick with emotion. “What is there to explain? You asked to see her. We came, and you,” her breath hitched. She held back another sob with the back of her hand, her brows furrowing to keep it all down. “You didn’t show up. As always. And I have to keep making excuses for you to Sofia. As always.”

He tried to keep a light tone. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

She scoffed, her nose scrunching in disgust. “Don’t… Don’t even _try_ to make this a fucking joke.”

He nodded dejectedly, his eyes watering. “No, you’re right okay? I – I fucked up, again.” He rubbed his shoulder as he blinked back his tears. “I hurt you and Sofia, and I never wanted that. And I don’t deserve you Jill. I never have, but you have to see that I… I am trying to do my best here.”

If this was his best and this is were it had all ended, then what was it all for?

Jill stared down at her hand, seeing the silver band on her finger. She absent-mindedly fidgeted with her ring, twisting it around her finger as she spoke, “Was this a mistake?”

The tension was palpable as her question hung in the air.

His eyes widened. “No, of course not.”

She turned away from him to close her eyes, mustering the courage to face him and painfully ask, “Were we… a mistake?”

“C’mon Jill, don’t do this. Don’t let this ruin everything we have.” He looked around uncomfortably before sighing and facing her. “I know we’ve had our moments, and this is one of them but… I love you. I love you both.”

She couldn’t breathe. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.” Carlos stepped closer, holding her gaze unflinchingly. “I made a vow to love you, and I always will.” He slowly raised his hand, brushing the damp hair that stuck to her skin away from her face. He took her hand into his, staring at their matching, plain silver bands. She watched as a sincere tear slipped down his cheek, mingling with the rain. “I’m sorry.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, nodding as she took in his apology. It didn’t make up for half of his mistakes, or excuse his behaviour, but there was something in it that made her ache. Ache for them, for what they used to be.

“I know,” she said quietly.

There was a long silence as they stood there, Carlos still holding her hand, the trace of his fingers still lingering on her skin.

“I don’t wanna lose both of you. I can’t.” His clenched his jaw, the muscle feathering before he took a step back, dropping her hand. His voice was deadly serious. “But just say the word…”

Jill felt the chill run down her spine, the seriousness of his words weighing on her in that moment. Did he really mean…? Was that what she wanted? She loved Carlos. She wanted him in their daughter’s life. There was no doubt about that. But did she want them – did she want him?

That same feeling, the relief she felt when he survived in Raccoon City, that bliss she felt slow dancing in that damp motel, his blush when she said ‘I love you’ first, her excitement when he had proposed, her happy tears during his vows, his grin when she revealed she was pregnant. It was all still there, a helpless spark containing all their perfect moments and it was marred by hurtful exchanges, unbearable tears, slamming doors and fading footsteps.

She told herself this was it. This was the last time.

“You really hurt me, Carlos.” She sniffed, swallowing back the lump in her throat as she folded her arms. “But more importantly, you hurt Sofia.”

He said nothing, waiting for her to finish.

“We’ve lost people.” She shifted uncomfortably, staring at the wall behind him as she spoke. “I know that changed us. I’ve never been easy to deal with, I know that. And after Sofia, I – I pushed you away too much – ”

“Stop blaming yourself instead of me,” he interrupted quietly. “I know… I know I didn’t show it all the time, but I was fucked up from Raccoon City – from who we lost. And I just couldn’t deal with it, so I just didn’t, and I took that out on our marriage and I’m so sorry, Jill.”

The rain finally came to a stop.

“I’m sorry too…”

The pause was too long, and Carlos hung his head. He turned away dejectedly, walking back to the shadows of the sidewalk.

Her heart thundered in her chest; her palms sweaty as she stood there in silence.

Was that it? Was that their last words to each other?

She rushed forward. “Carlos, wait.”

She couldn’t give him up, and she couldn’t give up on them. Not when there was a chance.

He stopped and turned to face her, and she hurriedly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He was hesitant, unsure of what she was doing, before he wrapped his large biceps around her waist gently. She felt his damp curls stick against her skin as she breathed in his familiar cologne.

Her lips were on the shell of his ear, “Don’t fuck this up.”

There was a pause before she felt his arms squeeze her closer, something of pure relief reverberating between them. “I won’t, Supercop.”

They stayed that for a few more moments before they parted a little more awkwardly than expected. But that tension, that horrible ache of loneliness had dissipated in their reunion. And they wanted nothing more than to spend time with Sofia.

Jill watched with a small smile as he reunited with their daughter, she was tired but awake enough to press a skittle into his hand, to which Jill felt another tear slip down her cheeks as she smiled at them.

Maybe they had restarted the same cycle, still trying to find that white picket fence life they talked about all those years ago. Maybe they had changed their course onto something better, something worth a second chance. But they wouldn’t know if they didn’t try. And if they had learned anything about each other, it was that they were both equally determined.


End file.
